7 Weeks

It's been 7 weeks since Dad died. When my children were babies, I remember counting their age in weeks until they were 12 weeks. Then it went in months until they were 24 months..I think it may be the same in remembering when Dad died.

I had a real nice visit with Mom today. My uncle, Bill Pistey, is up from LA, so we met at the nursing home. He visited for about 30 minutes. I'm sure it was hard for Uncle Bill to see Mom in her current state. I know it's hard for me. After he left, Mom and I went into her room to listen to the CD from the 1980 NIBS (NW Intermediate Banking School) organ concert. The cd starts off with Dad speaking. Then Dianne (the organist) plays and it works into Dad singing "Let Us Break Bread Together." Mom and I just held hands and listened. It was beautiful. When it was over, she asked me to play it again. I need to figure out how to add it here. Ahh..another challenge..I like to think myself somewhat of a 50 year old technogeek wannabe..The concert is spread out on 2 disks and the 2nd disk ends with Dad, Mom and me singing.

The next time Debbie and I visit Mom together we need to address the issue of what her wishes are after she dies. She avoided the issue with Dad, but she has been talking with the Hospice social worker and asking what's to happen with her body. This will be a hard conversation. I'm not good at doing those without Debbie. We may ask for help from Hospice too in the discussion.

I still feel numb in my grief. I know when Mom dies I'm going to request a leave of absence from work. It may involve having to quit if they aren't able to grant it to me..the downfall of working for a small company. I am tired...my stress comes out in physical issues. My house is a mess. A lot of the mess is from going through my parents files. It needs organizing..that takes motivation and time..I have the time, I just need the motivation.

I know how much I struggle with my Dad's death and my Mom's what could be soon death, but faith in the Lord has been my salvation. I don't know how people go through life without that faith. This Sunday I'm leading worship at Moriah, the local Foursquare, and I've chosen songs that express our victory and our strength. One is "Trading My Sorrows." I guess the title says it all. It doesn't negate grief, but it says to me that it's not going to consume me.

A recent post talked about my Mom's downturn. She is still aspirating her food (where it gets into her lungs), but she does seem a bit better. She doesn't eat much, but I think part of it is the food is not "top notch." Last week Debbie brought her some berries, some avocado and a mini muffin. She ate portions of all of it. Today I brought raspberries and she liked that!

Well..enough rambling..