Struggling

It's been 11 days since Mom died and a week since her service. I am struggling..I think mostly it's because I'm not sleeping well...I don't know...I still have some questioning thoughts about some decisions we made during the process and that's kind of haunting..There are times when I think of my Mom, I see her as she is dying and that is unsettling. I keep looking through the pictures I put together for her slide show to change my mind's picture. It's getting better, thankfully.

I went back to work on Monday as I had taken almost 2 weeks off already...I wish I could have taken more time to help with the grieving process. Once again I feel like it's getting pushed down and when it finally hits...well..it could be interesting.

I did put my notice in at work. I tell people I'm retiring....I'll work through the first week in September. I am excited to retire. I feel like I need to regain my footing in life. There are lots of projects I have, so that should keep me busy. Having down time whenever I want it will be nice too..Reg and I have also extended our vacation time to 2 weeks so we'll be able to be on the road longer. I want to try and go to Colorado Springs and visit Focus on the Family..specifically to visit "Whit's End."

Francisican Hospice is putting an article together for their magazine that will honor Dad. I went up yesterday to meet with Rosemary to give some pictures and ideas. I am looking forward to reading it.

Tonight I'll take a full Benedryl with the hopes that it will knock me out. A friend's daughter is getting married tomorrow..I'll decide tomorrow if I'll go or not. Life these days are a day by day event.