1978..25th Anniversary and other thoughts...

It's amazing what you find going through years of accumlation, safe deposit boxes and the such. Here are my parents in 1978. These are their passport pictures as they got ready for their first European trip. April 25, 1978 was their 25th anniversary and they celebrated with friends and family and then it was off to Ghent, Belgium to visit family from my Dad's side and then to Rome, Florence and Venice, Italy. My parents did some traveling after they were retired. I know there was another trip overseas to England, Scotland and Wales..I think..

As Dad got older, he refused to travel by air. He had traveled so much during his banking career that he was done with it. I know he was fearful about flying all the time he traveled. Back in the day when my Dad smoked and smoking was allowed on airplanes, Dad would literally have his cigarette in hand with the lighter ready to go as soon as the "no smoking" light went off. To his credit, Dad quit smoking and drinking cold turkey in 1986! WAY TO GO DAD!! Because Dad wouldn't travel by air, both Debbie and I got to go with our Mom on a cruise. In May 2002, Debbie and Mom went through the Panama Canal on a 2 week cruise that began in Ft. Lauderdale and ended in Los Angeles. In October 2002, Mom and I took a 2 week cruise from Amsterdam to Budapest on the Main, Rhine and Danube rivers. It was awesome..THANK YOU MOM!!

This Monday will be the 4 week mark since Mom died. It's going by so fast. I have 2 more weeks of work left until my "retirement." I'm going to give myself time and permission to grieve. I don't feel like I've even started. I'm apprehensive at what emotions might come up, but I know I have to walk through this. It's part of the journey.

There were so many people we met along the way in this journey. I really miss seeing them all. Anna, Tonya, Susan, Tami..just to name a few. As much as I miss my Mom, I sure don't miss having to go to the nursing home. That was always hard for me. It takes a special person to work in that profession and we are so profoundly grateful for the people we met along the way. Thank you dear ones for what you do and the impact you have on the lives of your patients and their families!

Thomas Rominger Morrison

I realize that most of this blog has been devoted to my parent's journey to the end, but wanted to share this picture of my grandparents, Tom and Martha Morrison.

Today is the 40th anniversary of my Granddaddy's death. August 17, 1968. I was 10. His death was my first experience with the death of a loved one. There was much I didn't understand at the time.

My Granddaddy was a fun man! My Dad said that he learned about affection from my Granddaddy. One thing I remember was that Granddaddy did not like cats..at all! When we moved back from Northern California to Southern California, we spent a week or so with my grandparents..We had not just 1 cat, but 2!!! As far as Debbie and I knew, we were hiding the cats from Granddaddy..years later I found out he knew all along..

So, here's to you Granddaddy!!! April 25, 1900 - August 17, 1968.

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good...

Emily and I singing at Mom's service..I'm thankful we made it through....

The song sung was "For Good" from the musical "Wicked."

Breathe

"This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your Holy presence
Living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very Word
Spoken to me

And I am desparate for You
And I am lost without You"

We sang this song Sunday at church and it is my anthem right now.

I am so thankful for my relationship with the Lord. He is how I have kept my self afloat this past year. It is this assurance that lets me know my folks are with Him and that there will be a time that both Debbie and I will be reunited with them.

Struggling

It's been 11 days since Mom died and a week since her service. I am struggling..I think mostly it's because I'm not sleeping well...I don't know...I still have some questioning thoughts about some decisions we made during the process and that's kind of haunting..There are times when I think of my Mom, I see her as she is dying and that is unsettling. I keep looking through the pictures I put together for her slide show to change my mind's picture. It's getting better, thankfully.

I went back to work on Monday as I had taken almost 2 weeks off already...I wish I could have taken more time to help with the grieving process. Once again I feel like it's getting pushed down and when it finally hits...well..it could be interesting.

I did put my notice in at work. I tell people I'm retiring....I'll work through the first week in September. I am excited to retire. I feel like I need to regain my footing in life. There are lots of projects I have, so that should keep me busy. Having down time whenever I want it will be nice too..Reg and I have also extended our vacation time to 2 weeks so we'll be able to be on the road longer. I want to try and go to Colorado Springs and visit Focus on the Family..specifically to visit "Whit's End."

Francisican Hospice is putting an article together for their magazine that will honor Dad. I went up yesterday to meet with Rosemary to give some pictures and ideas. I am looking forward to reading it.

Tonight I'll take a full Benedryl with the hopes that it will knock me out. A friend's daughter is getting married tomorrow..I'll decide tomorrow if I'll go or not. Life these days are a day by day event.

From Emily

This is from my daughter, Emily...she has a real gift for the written word..she has started her own blog too!

My Secret Place
In this Solitary Secret Place my soul is at ease. Here is where my heart finds peace, here where His Presence dwells. Before I come I feel His Spirit within me, calling me to this Secret Place. This is where I commune with my Lord.This place, though small at first in my eyes, completely engulfs me in Abba's mercy. This small place grows, for it cannot contain His Presence. As it grows my soul grows with it. His love spreads out from here and reaches out to the hearts and lives You have touched through me.Welcome me home, Lord, Welcome me home.

Written in honor and loving memory of Anne M. Hagopian, November 12, 1931-July 28, 2008.Wonderful wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.May your voice ring throughout Heaven and be pleasing to God. I love you, Grandma.

We Walked to the End

Yesterday was our "official" good-bye to Mom. Her service was at St. Mary's Episcopal Church in Lakewood at 1PM. The service went very well. Emily and I sang "For Good" from the musical, "Wicked." I was thinking perhaps I was taking on too much, but it came across well. The song's theme is because I knew you, I have been changed for good. I think that everyone who has known my Mom could say that. Debbie read the lessons and Emily sang the Lord's Prayer. My brother-in-law, Lenard gave the message. He so beautifully captured the essence of our Mom. In planning Mom's service, Debbie and I had a couple of themes we thought of using..One was Easter, another was a wedding and another spring. Debbie had told Mom on Tuesday (July 22) that winter was over and springtime was coming. Lenard used the verse from Song of Songs 2:11-12. "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come.....At the end of the message, Lenard alluded to an inside joke. One day, Anna, the Hospice nurse went to visit my Mom and said "Hi Beautiful." Without missing a beat, my Mom answered "Hi Ugly!" It was funny..so, Anna then set up Tonya, the Hospice social worker..I guess Mom did it to Tami, our favorite CNA..she didn't realize Mom was kidding! Anyway, at the end of Lenard's message, he said he hoped that when Mom was greeted by the Lord saying "Hi Beautiful..." You get the idea!!

After the service there was a reception where we got to visit with people who loved our Mom. Our Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Cutler came up from Carmel, and my cousin Tricia and her family were up from LA. There were many others and we are so thankful that you were there with us.

Afterwards, Debbie and Lenard, my family and my Aunt & Uncle went out to the Ram for dinner. It was nice to visit with them..

Aunt Jeanette and Debbie

A very special mother/daughter moment. Cherish those moments!

And now it's time to figure life out without parents. I am fortunate to have come from a very close family. That's what makes this very hard for me. One way I relax is to play worship music and sing. I was playing this a song this evening called "Happy Day." I was singing and was struck by the words of the second verse:

"When I stand in that place, free at last meeting face to face. I am Yours, Jesus You are mine. Endless joy, perfect peace, earthly pain finally will cease. Celebrate Jesus is alive, He's alive!!"

I like the line that earthly pain will cease. That is what will carry me through. Both my parents are no longer in pain.