A Year of Firsts

Today marks the end of what I have called "The Year of Firsts." All the firsts one must go through after a loved one dies. I remember reading a fictional book once on how we might respond if we knew that we would be experiencing a "last" with someone. I think we know some of those, but then there are lots we don't know.

My Mom went to be with the Lord a year ago today! The year has gone by fast. I find that I haven't grieved a lot. There was so much relief when Mom died. She was very ill..knowing that with the Lord she is whole and healthy is a great grief reliever! Same for my Dad...I know at times I have felt guilt because I wasn't "consumed" with grief..I know though that whatever grief we feel, go through, etc is ok..My Mom would have wanted us to carry on, because that's how she responded in life. She was one to always carry on!

I wish I could post my slide show, but computer issues are in the way!

I know all who may read this and who knew my Mom know that we lost a classy woman! A wonderful woman! Please know that she truly is in a better place because she had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It's there for all of us..salvation is a gift given to all of us that just needs unwrapping. I know my Mom would want to see all her friends in eternity.

Life goes on. We are having our second grandchild on August 3rd..unless by some miracle Emily goes into real labor fast!! It is a boy who will have a funky name, thanks to his Daddy. He will be named Ravis Allen Maier.

I retired last September from work to recover from the loss of my folks and this past May 27th, I went back to the chiropractic office to take over the billing! Life goes on..it doesn't stop for death, birth...it just goes on!

I pray the Lord's blessing on all who may read this blog!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! Another first! One more to go and the year of firsts for both parents will be over..It's been easier than I anticipated, but then there were times when it's been hard....Last Mother's Day was the week after my Dad died, so it was a hard one too..

This past Friday and Saturday I delivered flowers for a local florist. The flowers were beautiful and a great gift, but, saying Happy Mother's Day to your Mom in person is so much nicer. I know it's very much appreciated. But, when distance separates, the flowers are a nice touch.

So, here's to you Mom! I miss you so much, but I know that you are having a great celebration with Jesus!

Remembering......

This week last year was the last week of my Dad's life and I'm remembering all that went on that week..It was Monday that Dad was moved to Hospice House and I had to leave work early to sign all the papers. On Tuesday I had gotten a call from the Hospice social worker saying my Mom knew something was going on and was very agitated. So, after work I had to go up to see Mom and tell her about Dad...Wednesday of that week was quiet for me..I remember being so relieved..On Thursday, Hospice volunteers brought my Mom to see my Dad for what turned out to be their last time together (well, on earth that is).. Debbie, Emily, Tillie and I also got to see him. I feel so bad for David because he couldn't get there that day..I think it bothered him too..I remember calling my boss and saying I wouldn't be there on Friday because I just felt I needed to be with Dad...Never did I imagine he would pass so quickly..

This Saturday is May 2nd..the first anniversary of Dad's death..I miss him so much..I miss being able to call and say hi..or tell him what 's been going on in my life...

I am most likely going back to work soon at Shelton Chiropractic. I took time off to recover from 2008..It's been a good break, that's for sure. I will only go back 3days a week. I don't want to let myself get overwhelmed again. Well, for now, I guess. There will be time in my life where I might get overwhelmed. I am thankful for my Lord who sees me through the rough times..it would be hopeless without Him!

6 & 9 Months

Nine months ago today my Dad went to be with Jesus..and on January 28th it was my Mom's 6 month anniversary..the time is going by so fast, but oh Lord, I miss my parents..I have some health concerns going on right now and it makes me miss them so much more. I think we will always be children..(Yes, Emily..even you! ) :)

My niece, Shannon, and I have been messaging each other and I made the comment about not knowing what I want to do when I grow up...Her advice was don't grow up..My Dad never did and he did just fine! I needed to hear that today..Thank you Shannon!

In March, Debbie and I are going to take a walk down memory lane and 1. go visit old homes, our grandparent's gravesites and 2. have a reunion with our cousins, Susan and Doug. They are the children of our Uncle Jimmy who was Mom's older brother. It's been a long time since we last saw them and have recently reconnected through Facebook! Here's my plug for Facebook!! Sign up...see who you can reconnect with..it's WONDERFUL!

I have many "things" on my plate these days..anyone who reads this, please pray for me! I would be very thankful for that!

Happy Birthday to Me!!

When you lose someone close you have that year of firsts...until yesterday I was thinking of the firsts like their birthdays, mother's and father's day, Christmas, etc...I didn't realize that one of those firsts could be my birthday, but here it is and my parents can't call me to sing Happy Birthday..or in recent years me calling them to say Happy Birthday to me! Last year was my 50th and a few days before both Debbie and I were visiting Mom and Dad was there too. That in itself was different as Dad liked to visit separate from us..anyway, my folks gave me a card that they had both signed..and that was hard for Mom..I still have the card as it was very special to me!

Debbie, I didn't even think about this on your birthday..I don't know if you had these feelings too..I'm sorry I didn't figure that out back in September..

I have had a good birthday though..good friends and a wonderful family!!!

Some more pictures

I found some more pictures. This is September 2006, the week after Emily and Anthony got married and before Anthony headed back for Iraq..Mom is holding her great-granddaughter, Tillie Anne. The name Anne goes 4 generations now..Mom was Anne, my sister Debra Anne, my daughter, Emily Anne, and now Tillie Anne! Tillie is now 2 1/2!

This is Dad and my son David when David and I came home from Anchorage, Alaska, where he was born. This is the first time they met..It was such a neat time. A group of friends from Hosea (Folk mass group at our old church), were there to greet us too! David had the distinction of being the first grandkid and he and his Grandpa shared a special bond.
Me, Dad and David! 24 1/2 years ago!!

Seeing these pictures has me a bit emotional..mostly because I miss my folks, but seeing where David is now in life and how fast the time has gone!!

"And the Sky Was Bright With a Holy Light, Twas the Birthday of a King"

This is a picture of Debbie, Mom and me at Christmas..I would guess it to be 1962 or 1963..2008 is our first Christmas without parents and to be honest, it's been difficult. But, as Debbie and I talked and cried, we were glad that they are with the Lord celebrating with the angels..The real deal.

The words in the title are from the song "The Birthday of a King." Dad sang that song for years at the family Christmas sing..for years and years and years, the Hagopian family gathered for the annual Christmas Sing. It was so fun...there was even sleigh bells on leather straps for the kids when we sang "Jingle Bells." One kid on each end of the strap. The memories are real fresh right now as I am missing my parents.

Jesus was born in this world to give us access to the Lord. It is through Jesus that our sins are forgiven and salvation is given. He is our hope for eternal life with our Heavenly Father. A gift given to us that only needs unwrapping.

Luke 2:11 says "Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." It is this hope that makes this first Christmas without my parents bearable.

I had the most wonderful dream

about my Mom early this morning..I was doing something and saw my parents walk by..Looking healthy and young. I went up to them, but at that point I only saw my Mom and I was able to ask her if she was ok with how we handled her remains..I know that sounds morbid, but we struggled with what to do as she never gave us any direction. She let me know that all was ok..I felt so much peace and comfort and I know that the dream was a gift from the Lord..Thank you Jesus!!!

Happy Birthday, Mom...I miss you!

In memory of Anne Hagopian..November 12, 1931 - July 28, 2008

I had to take out the slide show as it made a mess of the blog..same for Dad's birthday post..

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today would be Dad's 77th birthday! Oh, how I miss him!!! Last Sunday marked 6 months since he died! Time is going fast. I am still finding myself more "in relief" than "in grief." I don't know when or if it will change. I have become more relaxed in life, that's for sure. I'm sleeping well and my muscle stiffness is improving all the time..(I think that comes from not working)..:)

I know what I miss most is the ability to call and say "what's up?" "Guess what?" Debbie was saying the same week as their move to Alaska is getting closer and closer.

Next week we do this again with Mom's birthday..My parents were 6 days apart..same year and all..it made for some fun momentous birthdays, that's for sure!

So, Dad...Here's to you!

Look Dad, We Made It!!

Several years ago my folks went on a roadtrip. There ending destination was to be Mt. Rushmore with stops on the way visiting friends. Well, they got as far as West Yellowstone when my Dad started having problems with the altitude. He had to be airlifted to Idaho Falls. This meant my Mom had to drive the 120 miles or so from West Yellowstone to Idaho Falls at night. She made it fine, but it scared Debbie and me.

When I told Dad that Reg and I were going to Mt. Rushmore this fall, he laughed and said "good luck."

We're here Dad and you would have loved it! I miss you both so much!!

Hey Jimmy, Joe, John, Jim, Jack

Talk about a blast from the past..This was one of my family's favorite albums back from the 60's. The Limeliters..with Glenn Yarbrough. I think they were the original Limeliters, but not sure..anyway, I found the album on cd through Amazon...I was so excited when it arrived today..I played it and called Debbie and held my phone up to the speakers...then the tears! Sad tears, happy tears, tears of good memories and thankful for parents who loved music.

If I recall correctly, the Herkenhoff's, good family friends also loved this album too..I'm not sure if I'm remembering that right..but it was that time in our lives when the Hagopian and Herkenhoff families did a lot together..we later dubbed ourselves the Herkgopian's...anyway...lots of good memories today!!!

More closure

This week was one more step of closure for Debbie and me. We went to Friday Harbor on Monday, the 15th to tend to estate stuff for our parents. We met with their financial person who lives up there..What a beautiful place! The weather was superb! We took the ferry from Anacortes up to San Juan Island. After getting settled in our hotel, which for a Best Western, was just ok..there is a picture of the hallway..the picture doesn't do it justice, but it was weird!!! Monday night Debbie and I had dinner with Nancy. We met again Tuesday morning, and then we were sent on a sightseeing tour. We drove to Roche Harbor for lunch. Then we headed for Lime Kiln State Park in hopes of seeing Orcas..No luck..we did see a seal and a deer though..We continued our tour of the island and stopped at a lavendar farm. Debbie and I had dinner at Bella Luna..yummy...

The next morning we finished up with Nancy and headed back to Anacortes. We were on our way to the Shilshole Marina to meet up with our cousin Bob..He was going to help us scatter ashes. Both Debbie and I were dreading this moment, but knew that it needed doing. I mentioned in an earlier post we were struggling with what to do..especially with our Mom..If I could pass on anything through this blog it would be..1: Make sure your affairs are in order..You'll never know when you'll need it..2: Let your family know what your wishes are for when you die..It's hard to guess! 3: Start paring down your life now..YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU!!

Anyway, I digress...Bob took us out on his boat, the Whaler. As we were heading out, his son, Matt was out on his new boat..It was cool..We headed out toward Bainbridge Island. When we got to our "spot," the time had come..I couldn't do it. I know that the ashes are not my folks..My folks are with the Lord, but I couldn't do it..meaning, I was afraid to handle the bags. So, Debbie took care of it. It was an emotional time for all 3 of us! I am so thankful Bob was willing and able to help us in this task. Afterwards, instead of just heading back, Bob took us to Port Madison to look at all the fancy boats and houses..It was real quiet. A nice place to go before heading back to Seattle and life.

When we got back, we went to Azteca in Ballard for dinner. It was a nice close to an emotional time.

Now it's time to get ready for our vacation. Reg and I leave Monday for a 2 week road trip with Mt. Rushmore as our destination and then down to Colorado Springs. I have been so busy since "retiring" that I'm still tired..I'm hoping vacation will provide me with the relaxation I so desparately need.

There were a bunch of pictures, so I've created a link. Click here to see them.

I anticipate that blog postings here will really slow down. I will update periodically as feelings and emotions come up..but the journey for my folks has ended here on earth. Their journey has begun in heaven with the Lord. As Debbie has said, they have graduated.

May God bless you all! Thank you for your prayers, love and support through this time!

Prayers, Please.....

Tomorrow Debbie and I will be scattering our parents ashes. We have struggled with what to do, especially with our Mom's ashes since she never told us her wishes. We finally came up with a plan and tomorrow is the day.

I have no idea how I'll be through this process. It helps with closure. Since I have retired I've been real busy..well, the first 2 weeks of retirement..I have realized right now that the relief I feel that my folks no longer suffer is greater than the grief I feel. I think that will change over time, but I'm not sure.

It's been 6 weeks since Mom died. The time has gone by quickly. I find what I miss most is not being able to call my folks up and say "hi."

Debbie and I are in Friday Harbor right now. We have had some meetings regarding our parents estate. It's beautiful here and the weather has been wonderful! I'll post more pictures later..after we get through tomorrow.

An End of An Era

Today was my last day at Shelton Chiropractic Center. I have officially "retired." My retiring was a response to all that has gone on in the last couple of years with my parents and such. As I walked out of the building I started to cry and realized that though I'm glad to be finished, leaving my job of nearly 10 years involves a small grief process. I talked to Debbie about it and I liked what she said. When our parents died, they went to a much better place. They have graduated. So, my leaving is kind of a graduation to a different place..I think that's how she put it.

So, here's to Shelton Chiropractic Center...Thanks for memories!!

1978..25th Anniversary and other thoughts...

It's amazing what you find going through years of accumlation, safe deposit boxes and the such. Here are my parents in 1978. These are their passport pictures as they got ready for their first European trip. April 25, 1978 was their 25th anniversary and they celebrated with friends and family and then it was off to Ghent, Belgium to visit family from my Dad's side and then to Rome, Florence and Venice, Italy. My parents did some traveling after they were retired. I know there was another trip overseas to England, Scotland and Wales..I think..

As Dad got older, he refused to travel by air. He had traveled so much during his banking career that he was done with it. I know he was fearful about flying all the time he traveled. Back in the day when my Dad smoked and smoking was allowed on airplanes, Dad would literally have his cigarette in hand with the lighter ready to go as soon as the "no smoking" light went off. To his credit, Dad quit smoking and drinking cold turkey in 1986! WAY TO GO DAD!! Because Dad wouldn't travel by air, both Debbie and I got to go with our Mom on a cruise. In May 2002, Debbie and Mom went through the Panama Canal on a 2 week cruise that began in Ft. Lauderdale and ended in Los Angeles. In October 2002, Mom and I took a 2 week cruise from Amsterdam to Budapest on the Main, Rhine and Danube rivers. It was awesome..THANK YOU MOM!!

This Monday will be the 4 week mark since Mom died. It's going by so fast. I have 2 more weeks of work left until my "retirement." I'm going to give myself time and permission to grieve. I don't feel like I've even started. I'm apprehensive at what emotions might come up, but I know I have to walk through this. It's part of the journey.

There were so many people we met along the way in this journey. I really miss seeing them all. Anna, Tonya, Susan, Tami..just to name a few. As much as I miss my Mom, I sure don't miss having to go to the nursing home. That was always hard for me. It takes a special person to work in that profession and we are so profoundly grateful for the people we met along the way. Thank you dear ones for what you do and the impact you have on the lives of your patients and their families!

Thomas Rominger Morrison

I realize that most of this blog has been devoted to my parent's journey to the end, but wanted to share this picture of my grandparents, Tom and Martha Morrison.

Today is the 40th anniversary of my Granddaddy's death. August 17, 1968. I was 10. His death was my first experience with the death of a loved one. There was much I didn't understand at the time.

My Granddaddy was a fun man! My Dad said that he learned about affection from my Granddaddy. One thing I remember was that Granddaddy did not like cats..at all! When we moved back from Northern California to Southern California, we spent a week or so with my grandparents..We had not just 1 cat, but 2!!! As far as Debbie and I knew, we were hiding the cats from Granddaddy..years later I found out he knew all along..

So, here's to you Granddaddy!!! April 25, 1900 - August 17, 1968.

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good...

Emily and I singing at Mom's service..I'm thankful we made it through....

The song sung was "For Good" from the musical "Wicked."

Breathe

"This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your Holy presence
Living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very Word
Spoken to me

And I am desparate for You
And I am lost without You"

We sang this song Sunday at church and it is my anthem right now.

I am so thankful for my relationship with the Lord. He is how I have kept my self afloat this past year. It is this assurance that lets me know my folks are with Him and that there will be a time that both Debbie and I will be reunited with them.

Struggling

It's been 11 days since Mom died and a week since her service. I am struggling..I think mostly it's because I'm not sleeping well...I don't know...I still have some questioning thoughts about some decisions we made during the process and that's kind of haunting..There are times when I think of my Mom, I see her as she is dying and that is unsettling. I keep looking through the pictures I put together for her slide show to change my mind's picture. It's getting better, thankfully.

I went back to work on Monday as I had taken almost 2 weeks off already...I wish I could have taken more time to help with the grieving process. Once again I feel like it's getting pushed down and when it finally hits...well..it could be interesting.

I did put my notice in at work. I tell people I'm retiring....I'll work through the first week in September. I am excited to retire. I feel like I need to regain my footing in life. There are lots of projects I have, so that should keep me busy. Having down time whenever I want it will be nice too..Reg and I have also extended our vacation time to 2 weeks so we'll be able to be on the road longer. I want to try and go to Colorado Springs and visit Focus on the Family..specifically to visit "Whit's End."

Francisican Hospice is putting an article together for their magazine that will honor Dad. I went up yesterday to meet with Rosemary to give some pictures and ideas. I am looking forward to reading it.

Tonight I'll take a full Benedryl with the hopes that it will knock me out. A friend's daughter is getting married tomorrow..I'll decide tomorrow if I'll go or not. Life these days are a day by day event.